So Sweet, So Calm.

Dear Annie,

You are four weeks today! Wow! That was the fastest four weeks of my life and have been one heck of a roller coaster! But holy cow, how grateful I am for you and your sweet self!

Well, I had another baby shower for you this week! My sweet friend Marykate had it at her house and it was SO darn cute! She definitely worked her butt off doing it! A few of my friends came and it was so much fun seeing friends I hadn't seen for a while and all getting together. Annie, your mama has some pretty good friends that's for sure! They definitely spoiled me rotten with all of the gifts they got me! I'm so grateful for them and for them coming to support you and get YOU gifts!

Marykate, me, and Jess

How cute?!!!

Today was a great day at the hospital because I got to HOLD YOU for the second time!!!! :) It was unexpected but I sure am glad I went to the hospital when I did because they were changing your incubator again! I got to hold you for probably 45 minutes and holy cow... I was SO happy! You seemed super relaxed as well. I think you love when your mommy holds you :) I was so grateful that I got to hold you again. Even though I felt bad since your dad hasn't held you yet, I HAD to hold you! But I sure do know that your dad cannot WAIT to hold you and I will be snapping pictures left and right when that day comes!

Checking your stats on the computer.

Your Grandma Janie was excited I got to hold you :) (I think she was jealous!) ;)

Well my sweetheart, as much as I wish everything was good news with you, it still has been a question game everyday. Since you're still on your breathing tube, the Doctors have asked your dad and I to start thinking about doing a tracheotomy on you. We learned quite a bit about trach's yesterday from the ear, nose, and throat Doctor. It is really hard thinking about you having a trach in- and wondering if it will ever come out. But, by leaving the breathing tube in, it would reduce the chances of you eating and breathing on your own. I do have hope and faith that everything will be alright Annie. Please never forget that. I know that everything will work out in time. Your dad has to tell me every night when I cry, that you should still be in my belly for another month, that you still have much growing to do until you were actually due. But if you have a tracheotomy, please know that I will always love you. You are a BEAUTIFUL daughter of God! I have never felt so much closer to our Heavenly Father until now Annie. And maybe that's why you were sent to your daddy and I. We needed to have more faith and become closer to Him. And you have done that Annie. You have been such a miracle in our life. I know that I should never question my faith, and I know that the Lord blesses us in mysterious ways. But all I know Annie, is that you are SO special. Heavenly Father loves you so, so, SO much! He watches over you night and day. Whenever I walk into the NICU, I feel such a strong, wonderful, peaceful spirit. I know that there are sweet little angels watching over you and are with you. Thank you for allowing me to be your mother. You have taught me more in the past month than I have ever been taught through out my life. It's hard at times, and I am an emotional wreck sometimes, but at the end of the day, I am SO blessed I have you! Before I left the hospital today, I was saying bye to you and you opened your eyes and just looked at me. I told the nurse that I couldn't leave now because you were looking at me. I asked the nurse if you could see people and things now and she said yes! It made me smile and I was telling you how much I loved you. I know you knew who I was and as I looked into your beautiful eyes, I was so grateful to be a mother. I was so grateful to be YOUR mother!

I love you sweet Annie:) Thank you for being so sweet and such a fighter!!! Keep fighting! I pray for you 24/7, really! Again, I love you sweetheart :)

Love,

Mama

Love your sweet little eyes!