Code Blue

Dear Annie,

Well... Something happened last night that I hoped would never happen. They had to call "Code Blue" on you. Your poor little body wasn't getting enough oxygen and you began to have an episode. Your oxygen level should be at a range from 92-100 and you desaturated down to a 9. Your heart rate also went down with it. Your heart rate typically is supposed to be anywhere from a range of 120-150, you went down to 30. The nurse on call was thankfully one of our primary nurses but even though she knew you well, she could not get you up. She tried suctioning you, turning the ventilator all the way up, and even bagging you. But nothing was helping. You began to turn not even purple, but black. The nurse called, "Code Blue". And after a long and stressful 10 minutes, they were able to get you back up. Your dad and I weren't there for this episode of yours but about 3 minutes after that episode had happened, I had a feeling I needed to call the Hospital. When I did, that's when I got the information about this big episode of yours. Annie, I just really wish I knew what I could do to help. It is so hard to see and know that you go through these episodes and I don't know how to comfort you. I pray to our Heavenly Father that he will comfort you in these times, that you won't feel pain.

When I got up to the Hospital today, I joined all of the Doctors and Nurses in rounds. We talked about what might be happening. We came to a conclusion that you got your immunizations on Saturday and that's what may be causing these big, severe episodes you're having. After rounds, I began to take pictures of you and noticed you were turning a little purple. I put my camera away, and you began to desat. Your oxygen was going down, and quick. It got down to 67 within seconds. A nurse rushed over and began to turn up your vent, your color was turning more and more purple. She decided to bag you. I sat there, holding your hand, not know what to do as your small little body began to turn darker purple. Your oxygen went down to 30 and your heart rate, down to 68. As she started to bag you, you began to go back up and your color began to turn more pink. I started crying, I was so scared. People always ask how I am doing... I just say it's a day-by-day thing. I can't reflect on the past or future. I need to reflect on what's going now because things could change tomorrow for the better or worse. But maybe yesterday and today were crappy days and tomorrow will be phenomenal. So I know I need to focus on your present self.

Oh Annie... how much I love you! You truly are such a fighter! I cannot believe how strong you are. Thank you for fighting. Your dad and I are so blessed to have you and for your sweet, big, and strong spirit. You are an amazing little girl. I hope you know that I love you so very much. I really wish I could take away your pain. You are so much stronger than anyone I know. I am so very sorry that you have had such a hard past few days. I pray you feel better. One thing I will tell you, is when I held you today, you looked SO relaxed! Oh how you love to be in mommy's arms! You were sweating so bad but you were so relaxed and I didn't mind the sweat :) I love you so so much! From your head, to toe! I hope you have a great night!! Kisses and hugs little Annie!

Love,

Mommy