October 14, 2014
Dear Annie,
Well my sweet girl, you've now been in Heaven for three whole months! I seriously don't know how I have survived without having you here. But then I start thinking about all of the people who have been so kind to your dad and I and I am reminded how much people who we know and even don't know have been here supporting and standing by us.
Heavenly Father knew the challenges and struggles we would face. And I am so grateful that even on the hardest days, when I sit and cry missing you, and feel so alone, I know I'm not. I have our Savior who suffered for these pains I feel and e is very much aware and with me at those times. I know that you are there as well, holding my hand, comforting me. Though, I wish I would feel your spirit more than I have been. But then I remember that you are very busy up in Heaven doing work for our Heavenly Father.
I have decided that my favorite time of the day these days is when I'm asleep. I have been having multiple dreams lately with you in them. These dreams are very special to me. I have only shared them with a few people. These dreams that I have of you, you're older - probably around eight years old and you are beautiful! You have your beautiful strawberry-blonde hair and it's around a medium length, lightly curled. Your beautiful blue eyes shine so bright! And you always look so happy. But the best way to describe it is, peaceful. As hard as it is not having you with your dad and I, we both are so happy that you no longer are in pain. In my dreams, you never speak to me (at least from what I remember). You just smile and look at me. But, you don't have to say word. I just look into your beautiful eyes and I know what you're saying to me. I feel like Heavenly Father blesses me with these special little dreams with you in them. Especially as I feel like it's only gotten harder having you gone.
Lately, I feel like I have been having a lot of anxiety and stress. I think a lot of it is because I miss you and the more time away from you, the more reality is kicking in. I also get nervous thinking what if I forget something about you?! Like your scent! Or your favorite things? Like you getting your face massaged or The Lion King? I don't want to forget anything. I think that's why I am most grateful that I have written these journal entries to you since day one.
Annie, I know I won't forget a single thing about you; and I most definitely will never stop missing you. In all truth, I don't think it will ever get easier having you gone from your dad and I. My testimony has grown so much for the Plan of Salvation. I am so blessed to have the true Gospel in my life in knowing that I will be able to raise you with your dad one day. And I think it will be here before I know it:) I'm so happy to know you aren't in pain and that you're up in Heaven probably running around and doing cartwheels!:)
I love you my sweet Annie-Girl. Keep sneaking into my dreams, okay?:) Love, love LOVE you!!
Love,
Mommy
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| Love you baby girl:) |
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| Cousins picture with you in it! :) |
